Alright, so you don't know me. That's the point of this blog. I want to share my story, with anyone who's willing to listen. But I'm not going to spell it all out, not just yet. That's right: you are going to have to try to piece it together by yourself first. Yes you, young reader. I'm giving you a challenge. Just TRY to follow along, that's all I ask.
Here's the low down for today: I'm still grounded. Yes sir. Grounded more than ever. And I'm in one SHITTTTY mood. Okay, I've been a good kid this week, after getting grounded to the extreme, I'm trying to CHANGE, and my parents are on my ass like no other. But just because I'm not nice to them doesn't mean I'm not trying to change. I'm seeing a shrink for gods sake, and I've totally quit smoking, so, whats the problem? I guess my parents assume I'm just going to love them like that. Well today, I was all pissed and sitting and thinking and I realized something... They are the reason that I got so fucked up. They made it seem like it was my fault and shit for doing all the bad things that I did, but every time I did one of those bad things I was thinking "ha I'm totalllly rebelling against my parents, fuck them." I never felt loved by them. Sure, they provided for me, but I've never been close to them like other kids are with their parents. I appreciate all they do for me, don't get me wrong, but I can't staaaaaaaaaaaaand them. Like really. I don't do "bad things" to appease myself, I do them because I get pissed at my parents and lose my respect for them, then subconsciously I feel like I need to do things that would lose their respect for me.
So now, being on lock down, I have to be the bigger person. I have to be more mature than my own parents. I have to try to get them to respect for me when I have 0 respect for them. I have 0 trust in them. They creep on me, they spy on me, they take my phone, they take away my happiness. If I respected my parents wishes, do you think I would go out and smoke pot? Hell no. I would not. They are hurting me then telling me it's my fault. Uh HELLO, the people who give me a reason to live are my brother, and my friends. My parents make me want to NOT LIVE. There's really nothing they can do about it either, like, they just don't know me. Even though they've been invading my privacy, they still don't know ME. They literally cant buy me gifts for xmas because they just don't know me at all. I want to move out ASAP.
My views are always the least important. My parents met each other in high school, they had love at my age, they had each other. My dad asks me things like "how is your shoulder" (I got a knot in it from playing field hockey) when really I don't give a fuck about how much my body hurts when I know I'm so messed up on the inside. They need to leave me alone and let me think because, obviously (considering the novel I just wrote), I have lots to think about. BIEEEEE
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